i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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