If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
