I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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