Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
