just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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