im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
