This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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