I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
