Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
