I skipped work to stalk him.
im holly from the hills drunk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
