i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
