he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
