I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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