Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
