sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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