how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
