Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
