You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
