I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
