Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
