Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
