i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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