You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
