Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
