Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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