I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
