i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
