NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
