You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
