Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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