I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
