3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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