nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
