Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
