apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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