biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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