cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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