eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
