Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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