when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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