like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
