I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
