So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
