Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
