they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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