Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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