ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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