WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
