I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
