Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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