My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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