don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
